When we are together, you make all the difference in the world to me. When we are apart, I still count the hours, minutes, and even seconds until I can see you again. Despite the passing of twenty-something years in our history, the sum of which we wrote together, the song remains the same in my heart as well as it does in all that I am.
My thoughts revolved around these facts the other day while we waited in the hospital, and the simple thought of you by my side throughout the ordeal stirred those memories while jogging a portion of my consciousness that has always been there simmering beneath the surface. I do my best to suppress that consciousness, as I know that to allow it to flow uninhibited in a sea of emotion could quite possibly consume me. After a while, too, it might lose its meaning and become something frivolous or taken for granted if I chose to do so. Probably not, but like the fleeting summer days that fade unnoticed into autumn, I would never take the chance of allowing those same feelings to softly slip through my hands.
What I feel for you is eternal. I can change it no more than a leopard can change the pattern of its spots merely because, well, because it is so. Determined by a higher power against seemingly egregious odds; we are. Despite uncertain times and an unclear future, I choose to believe we always will be. My hopes, my dreams, my wishes, and my desires remain interwoven by golden threads spun upon the endless magnitude of what you mean to me.
I’m watching the years slide by like water now, our memories accrue as events are added, and yet you look the same to me as you did on that very first day we spent together so long ago. A timelessly beautiful girl in a refined and elegant sort of way - that’s what I see. So long ago was only yesterday or at least just the day before in my mind - and I like that, I really do. Because of you, I wake up each morning in 1988, frozen in time and space, but still a lot wiser and much more spiritual in nature at the same time. How can this be? I cannot understand it, but to place the thoughts of my heart into words miserably fails in my feeble mind’s attempt this morning at doing so.
You have made mistakes, as have I, but it seems as though we’ve usually made our mistakes together and paid for them together. A lot of people can never honestly say that because they cannot understand what it means to do so. But we do, and that just might be the key to what we are – two imperfect people made perfect by what we share together as two imperfect people. Not only can I deal with that in my soul, but I have grown to bask in the glow of it.
Today, I watch as my children grow into their adult lives and my very being aches for them. I worry, I stress, but I also pray that somehow and in some way they will find a love like this. Not merely a normal love, mind you, but a huge, magnificent love that burns brightly despite time and the worldly forces that seemingly array themselves against it. For my progeny to find this treasure on their own will be the true mark of success in their lives and I hope they understand it even as I have achieved the power to now fully comprehend it. In many ways, it is much akin to capturing lightning in a bottle when you do so. Yet at the same time, through my own experience the impossible has therefore become altogether and in a uniquely divine way possible.
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